Lucid Thoughts: Life with Anxiety
It’s been an interesting time, for someone who developed serious anxiety about 3 years ago. I remember my first panic attack. I was walking on bright summer afternoon in the city,. The good ole days when we could go outside, safely, seems so long ago. Here was a beautiful day in late June, and I decided to visit a friend at their job. As I was walking to my destination, I started to feel this wave of emotion crash over me. I felt the same way you struggle to get your bearings when you fall under in the water. Suddenly I could not hear anything anymore. Silence on a packed NYC summer day, is nearly impossible. Yet here I was amidst a crowd of hundreds, walking about the streets, and I am losing it. My heart races to a level I’ve never felt before. Ready to burst out my chest. I can barely breathe. I finally arrive at my friends store, I can’t hear anything that they are saying to me. I can’t even speak. I motion that I can’t hear them and they hand me a cup of ice. I sit down and begin to crunch on it for a bit. Sound slowly flows back to my ears. I start to hear more than just my racing heart. My breathing slowly returns to normal. Years later, this is one of the ways I help calm down my panic attacks.
I share that mainly to show that everyone goes through anxiety and panic attacks differently. Most of us are raised with the mentality, that anxiety isn’t a thing. Well as a person who suffers from it heavily, I can tell you it is very real. I’ve had bouts to the point where I cannot even leave the house. Other times I am on my way to meet up for an event or a get-together, and next thing I know I am on my way back home. Trembling, confused, and at times left with no appetite for the rest of my day.
Fast forward to our current state of the world: quarantine life. Here I’m thinking to myself with all that is happening I am about to lose it, and alone in my apartment at that. The first few days I could feel it creep on me. I pushed back. So I accepted what I could control. I can control the amount of info I am taking in from the news. I reduced it from looking all day for updates, to just once a day. By mid April, I was only checking on info every few days. This step was huge, as my mind wasn’t racing anymore with the uneasiness & hysteria created by the news outlets. I had to limit my social media intake as well. So much misinformation was being shared, reposted, talked about, it was nauseating. I focused on solely just the facts and eliminated the unnecessary filler from people. Tranquility returned to my realm and I have strived hard since to maintain that for myself since.
I’ve been made fun of having anxiety. Many times I was told I was: “using it as an excuse, it’s not that serious, I’m exaggerating”, so I’ve learned to cope with it on my own. Listening to my body, mind and heart to figure out how to get through the day. Meditation has definitely been great. I love music, so that has also been another outlet to bring me back from the derailed train of emotion. Being an avid gamer has been a huge help. A hobby that I am forever grateful to have. Especially during quarantine. More about that on another post, for my gamers.
It has been a whirlwind as for many I’m sure. But no matter how rough it has gotten these last few years, learning about anxiety and how to cope has been a long journey. There are many way on how to deal with it, but for myself, learning the triggers was key. It’s allowed me to almost see it coming before it happens. Giving myself a chance to handle it. So it doesn’t interfere with daily life. I know of some who’ve turned towards therapy for their anxiety. That is totally ok, especially where that option has such a negative stigma in most communities. If that is resource that is available to you, then take it. Doing what is best for you, should not be seen as weak-minded or otherwise.
Whichever way you decide, just know you are not alone, and there are many ways to cope with it. Most importantly check in with your friends, loved ones, whomever. You never know who needs an ear, for just a few moments, can make a difference in someones life. Even the strong ones have their weak moments. We are all but just human beings, emotions are natural.
Sharing shouldn’t be so difficult, so talk it out.
Lucid OmniJack
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI):
1-800-950-6264
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA):
1-800-662-4357